Care if I vent just a little? Please bear with me, as I have a few things to get off my chest. Here goes nothing!! Brittany, you know how much I love you...but you do give me a lot of great blogging material!
OK, so here's the deal. Last night, if you can believe it, Andrew actually took Brittany out to dinner. Yes, you heard me! Shocking, I know, but it was his 17th birthday. Oh, I was so excited, I could barely sleep a wink the night before! (cough, cough)
Anyhow, Andrew told Brittany that he would pick her up at 5:30. First of all, let me just say that we don't normally allow Brittany to go out on dates during the school week. She has so much on her plate with getting up at 5:15 AM, going to school all day, running 6-8 miles after school at cross country practice, doing homework, etc. Plus, she has to manage to eat sometime and take a shower! I'm sure you get the picture. Secondly, every single time Andrew picks Brittany up to go somewhere, he is ALWAYS 10-20 mins. late. Drives us crazy!! On top of that, the boy can't call her and let her know that he's running behind. She always has to call him and find out what's taking him so long.
So, back to the story! Lo and behold...5:30 rolled around...no Andrew. I told Brittany that I had a feeling he was going to be late. Sure enough, at 5:45, she called him and he said he'd be there in 5 mins. So, he picked her up at 5:50 and they were on their way. Let me just say that when I agreed to allowing her to go out to dinner with Andrew, I made it very clear that they were to go the restaurant, eat dinner, and come home. Brittany even told me that Andrew invited her over to his house to have cake, afterwards, but she told him she couldn't because she had a project to work on. I said that was a very good decision.
Well, around 7:15...no Brittany and Andrew. I sent her a text that said, "Where are you? You need to get HOME!" I don't want to invade her space too much by actually calling her. I got no response...then I saw them walking to the front door at 7:20. Mind you, they'd had a whole hour and a half to spend together and celebrate Andrew's birthday!
So, I'm thinking they'd take a few minutes to declare their undying love for one another and say their goodbyes. Well, 7:45 rolled around and I was trying to fix something on the computer (scary, I know!), so I sent Abby downstairs to tell Brittany to come in the house NOW. She had to do it twice, in fact, before Brittany finally came inside at close to 8:00.
Well, good ol' Mom was not a HAPPY CAMPER. You have to understand that each and every time Brittany and Andrew go out, he always brings her home at the time we say BUT, they sit out on the front porch for anywhere from 30 mins. to an hour talking. Drives us BONKERS!! I mean, it doesn't just happen once in a blue moon, but every single time!! For some reason, it isn't clicking in those teenaged brains of theirs that curfew means the time to be in the house, not standing outside for an eternity!
So, with Chris out of town, I made the decision to ground Brittany from going out with Andrew the entire weekend. The only time she can see him is at the cross country meet tomorrow, which is unavoidable. A weekend without Andrew? Oh, how shall I ever survive? :) When I laid the law down, Brittany complained that I'm treating her like she's 12 years old. Well, until she and Andrew learn to read a clock, that's how it's going to be! Let's see, when the little hand is on the 7 and the big hand is on the 12...
Yes, Brittany wasn't very happy with me. Before she went to bed, though, she gave me the longest, tightest hug ever. She apologized for not listening to me and said she'd work hard to do better. Oh, how I wanted to say that she wasn't really grounded, afterall...but I held firm! I love my girls with all my heart and soul and they are two great kids, no doubt. Chris and I are very fortunate. Thank the Good Lord above! Nonetheless, I think that as a parent, you can't put your desire to be their best friend above being their parent. I'm a firm believer that kids need boundaries.
Trust me, for those of you who don't already know, having a teenager requires lots of patience, understanding, and a good sense of humor. Plus, it often makes you realize that your parents knew way more than you gave them credit for when you were growing up.
So, I guess I've earned the title of MEAN MOM and I must admit...I'm pretty proud of it! :)
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Hello, I'm April
Welcome to my blog! I'm, originally, from Arkansas (Go Hogs!) and my husband is from South Carolina. We met on a blind date in December of 1988 and were married 10 mos. later. Crazy, I know! We have two beautiful daughters, who make life fun, exciting, and challenging! I look at every day as an adventure and an opportunity to laugh and to learn. You will soon discover that my family and my faith are at the heart of who I am. Stick around a while, won't you?
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104 comments:
Hahaha! I agree but there was a time when I know that I did not agree. My father was a single parent. My mom moved away when I was 4 and I was the oldest and only daughter. Let's just say that my father was strict! I wasn't even allowed to date until I was a senior in high school and I wasn't allowed to call anyone my boyfriend until I was 18. I had a strict curfew and I was expected to have the chores done, home work finished and permission ahead of time before I went out. My father ran a tight ship. I remember him always saying..."YOU MIGHT DISLIKE IT NOW BUT WHEN YOU GET OLDER YOU'LL UNDERSTAND THAT I DO THESE THINGS BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!" I understand now and am grateful to have a parent that truly cared about my well being. Sounds like your daughters have great heads on their shoulders and you're doing a fine job!
April,
I am totally with you on this one. I applaud you for being the parent first. In order for our children to GET it, we have to be consistent in this area. I must also say that you were actually better than I would have been when the curfew was missed. Morgan is not allowed to date just yet, but she is allowed to go over to her boyfriend's house if his parents are home. At one time she started calling us 15 minutes before it was time for us to pick her up and would ask to stay a little longer. We would allow it. Unfortunately, she started asking for more time every time and we knew that we were going to have to put a stop to the request for more time. She got mad one time we we told her that she couldn't stay longer. The first thing Dirk reminded her of was that the time that we were picking her up is always set before she ever leave our house. He also told her that if that time is not appreciated enough, then she wouldn't get to get at all. This goes back to my comment of being persistent in our rules with these TEENAGERS! As soon as Dirk reminded her that getting to go to her boyfriend's house is a privelegde and not a right...her little request for more time ceased immediately. Morgan knows pretty well that we can definitely be MEAN parents! Anywho, good for you girlfriend on holding firm to the punishment!
Have a great day!
You are a good mom...you crack me up! Does the mother of Andrew have your blog address??? hee hee
-Sandy toes
Good question, Sandy Toes! April, does Andrew's mom know you blog? :) Are you guys friends? Do you go to church together?
You KNOW how much I LOVE reading about the Andrew Saga!! You are an amazing mom! Keep up the good work!
I totally agree I am a mean mom all the time. I honestly wonder about some of the parents around here (where I live) I question myself all the time but I know the best friend thing will come later right now she needs a parent! You go girl!
Oh yeah, mean describes me to a tee and I deal with this kind of stuff DAILY... the goood thing for you is your child actually realizes she was wrong and comes and apologizes. Not mine. He never does ANYTHING wrong and can't wait to graduate and MOVE OUT! I want to just say..good luck and don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya. Instead I go have a good cry and hope for a better day the next day. It's getting a little better since he started the new job. Had dhall this morning though, (Being tardy 1st period..talking on the phone) I think it's funny seeing how I told him 5 million times yesterday he was going to be late!
OOps!! What's that? A consequence.
Have a good day..you mean mom you.
April stick to your guns. Beleive me, with teenagers you must be a parent first and foremost. And I must tell you that the chronic lateness is a red-flag in the relationship. At the least it indicates a total lack of respect for Brittany.
Okay, I pulled that exact same thing. I figured I was home, maybe not in the house, but being in the yard or sitting in the car talking was the same thing. It's absolutely terrible what I put my parents through. I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16. But between 18 and 22 I gave them a lot of grief. I wish that I had listened to them. Brittany is going to appreciate you one day. Even though I don't have kids I agree with everyone that consistency is important. Make your rules and stick to them. I have noticed that when some kids are given an inch they take a foot. In this day and time it's scary to even let your kids out of the door. I am sometimes very thankful we chose not to have any.
Your blogs crack me up! I dread the day when my child becomes a teenager. I am sure he will think I am a "mean mom" as well but you have to be a parent first. You are completely right....kids need boundaries.
I'm already a mean mom too - both of mine are grounded right now. I see it as my responsibilty to shape them now so that they will know how to make the appropriate choices when I am not there with them.
This also reminds me of a poem I have seen. I think it is called the "The Meanest Mom". It circulates around the email every so often around Mother's Day. I'll see if I can find it, I think you would really like it.
All I can think is "I'm going to have a teenage girl one day......how am I going to handle this?" ha!
I think you are doing a great job! (I had strict parents and I turned out okay!)
Gosh, I'll check in here to get some advice for where I will be in about 10 years time! I am already mean mommy! Happy SITS day
I love that you're a mean mom. Sometimes it's necessary to be mean. Happy SITS Day!
Just stopping by ti say HI from SITS!!
http://allaboutmeandabagofchips.typepad.com/
Well, you had me at "I'm A Mean Mom"! I'm the same way with my stepchildren. But for the past 3 1/2 years that I've actually been their stepmother I've held firm to our rules and the consequences of the rules being broken. And can I just say that my relationship with my kiddos is a million times more amazing than it was in the beginning. They know I love them and they know they can trust me. And they are learning at an early age that there are rules in our home for their safety and because we love them.
You're a great mom!
I hope you are still around when my kids are teenagers. I will probably need help.
Sometimes being a "mean" mom and a good mom are synonomous. Keep encouraged. It sounds like you are doing a great job!
"Mean" Mom? No way! Great Mom...oh yeah!
Mean Moms rule! You're doing a great job and your daughter will be all the better for it.
Ah something to look forward to in about 15 years! Good for you for sticking your ground. It's so hard but worth it in the long run.
We have two girls under the age of three, and we're already getting nervous about their teenage years. Sounds like you have it all under control!
hello from SITS!
Congrats on being featured today!
I hear ya! I'm a mean mom, too! I have a teen too that we've recently allowed to date since she'll be off to college at 17, but because they are both 16, they are not allowed to go on dates, meaning only two of them together. Any exclusive time together is supervised by me and any extra time is spent with either family. I think compared to you, I'm a prison guard! LOL
Carolyn of What Now? Tablescapes
You're not that mean! My parents won't let my boyfriend and I go anywhere by ourselves...
Happy SITS Day! =)
Mean mom check in! :) I'm a mean mom too. Our eldest chick is 16 and she never fails to inform me that I am, BY FAR, the strictest of ANY parent among her friends. However, after a recent disaster of a party (that thank goodness she didn't go to!!!), she told me that she's glad we give her boundaries.
That's the only way you learn! :)
Happy SITS Day!
I have 3 teenage sons..and I am very proud to say they NEVER bring their girlfriends home late.
Only two have girlfriends thus far.
I liked seeing this from a Mom's perspective! My Mom and I made it through my teenage years and we're still best friends! I had boundaries, but I knew where they were and that she didn't let up :)
A whole weekend with Andrew, auuu.
(remember when we thought that was a big deal - now we would be excited to have a weekend alone).
Funny, well-told story.
I like a parent who sticks to their guns and lays down the law. Of course, I didn't like it when it was my parents, but I'm older and wiser now.
I'm stopping by from SITS - congrats on your big day today! This is great post. You sound like an awesome mama! Too bad more moms weren't willing to be "mean moms" instead best friends to their kids.
I've got to remember your lesson. Great post!
As Quiskaeya said, "Mean Moms Rule!"
Congrats again on your SITS feature!
Ahhh. Wear your MEAN MOM crown with pride!! Most Moms don't care of worse encourage their daughters to start dating early because all the other girls are doing it. I'm years aways from this...I have a 22 month old boy! But I plan on being just as strict and I plan on giving him rules and boundaries..and most of all I plan on giving him chivalry lessons. I think many boys and men have lost this and think it's the females job to court, woo, and conquer...it's time we put men back in their place. I plan to start with my son.
I came via SITS...and I'm adding you to my list of visiting sites. Thanks!
Happy SITS Day!
What a great daughter you've got there, to apologize that very night. Don't know many teens who would do that.
This is a great reminder to me of all the reasons I need to be firm and stay firm with my three year-old. Good for you mama!
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. This is what I have to look forward to in about 11 years. Yikes! I'll try to not lose too much sleep over it...LOL!
I can't get the second link (on SITS) to work.
Oh God. I'm going to be facing this in the next year or two.
I am so not ready.
I was about to say...ground that girl for not coming in the house...but I see you had thought the same thing. I have a teenager, so....
Get the girls home early... check! I'll let my boys know as to not drive their girlfriend's mom crazy...{in like 10 years}
Ah young love! I remember those days. They weren't as sweet when it was my own (now 19) daughter.
Hey you gotta follow the rules. That's the deal with my teen too. He knows that he's allowed to do things as long as he's following our rules. In fact, by following the rules he may even get a little extra time on the curfew because we know we can trust him.
It's a good feeling to the be the mean mom sometimes.
Happy Sits day! I haven't read to many mommy blogs of teenagers...do they really not mind you blogging about them?
Teen girls requiring patience - I hear you! Congrats on your SITS day!
Good for you! I'm scared for those teenage years, but at the same time, I can't wait!
You sound like a great mom to me!
I am scared to death for the little one to get to a dating age! She's only 6, but I'm pretty sure I've been dreading it since she was born ;)
Happy SITS day!
Good work! I totally don't think you were even that mean. Happy SITS day!!!
i'm a mean mom too...and i'm there with you sister! happy FB day!!!
ok, i'd add perseverance to the list on raising teen girls. love them so much, but you can not waiver...you did good. you might have been her bff, but you were a great momma.
"The longest, tightest hug ever" makes it all worth it in the end. Good job Mom!
That hug at the end would have melted me and the grounding...what grounding? Yeah, I'm kind of a sucker like that. Now that eldest daughter is a freshman in college and living on campus, I can no longer ground her. But I would if I could just to hang onto her for a bit longer.
This was a beautiful post.
Happy SITS day!
oh the things i have to look forward to. mine is 2. good job on the grounding.
oh goodness... what an adventure this will be... i still have a good 10 years to go though! :)
visiting via SITS
Sounds like you have great kids; glad that telling time is one of the biggest problems!
I'm a teacher and I know teenage girls can be the worst!
That was the greatest story! And actually mad me less afraid to have my son turn into a teenager. I got a little teary eyed about the hug. That has to make you feel so proud!
Don't worry, I'm a mean mom too. And, I'm so so glad I don't have teenagers yet!
That is the sweetest story ever! I hope I am able to stand my ground and really raise my kids to be responsible and understanding! Mine is only 21 weeks... in the womb! hahahaaa
Happy SITS day!
Way to stick to your guns! Happy SITS day!
You are so right. Children need guidelines and boundaries. Your daughter is very blessed to have such a loving, caring, and wise mother.
I so agree with you! Kids are missing so much structure in their lives these days! You inspired me to post one of my favorite poems "How to be a Mean Mother", on my blog today...stop by and check it out if you get a chance!
Hehe if your kids don't resent you at times you aren't doing your job right and haven't earned the appreciation that you will reap later.
You're doing great, mom, keep it up.
Great job, Mom!! I have a 6 yrs old and I'm NOT looking forward to the teenage years, AT ALL! I just pray my daughter is like me when I was a teenager. I highly doubt it though. They're are already differences, which scares me.
I'm with you though! They need parent's, not best friends. I know what you mean about wanting to tell her she wasn't grounded. I get that way too. Gotta stay firm though.
Congrats on being Featured Blogger at SITS!!
Wow I think I'm the only one that thought that was a little over the top for just sitting outside. Ah well nice to meet you anyways :o) It's hard making decisions with our kids I know!
You go girl. I do believe my 17 year daughter would argue about the meanest mom though. She graduates the first part of June and thinks she is already on her own and house rules shouldn't apply anymore.
I think you have to be a mean mom - it's part of the deal.
It's tempting to be a friend and keep your kids "happy", but I don't think that is the most important thing.
Good for you holdin' strong :-) I've been called Mean by my oldest many times (she's only 8). So I may be in for it here pretty soon, hehe. I'm glad your daughter understood why you were upset and is going to try and work on it.
P.S. How funny that my word verification is upsit, ha.
Jamie :-)
Great post! I'm also a member of the Mean Mommy Club, though my kidlets are still little... and to be honest, the teen years scare the daylights outta me! I think you handled things very well. Thanks for sharing. Great to meet you and look forward to reading more.
~Christina
Oh, how I don't look forward to these days! Mine are only 4 and 2, so i have a while.
Good for you!
I wish there were more "mean moms" out there!!
I am still scared of my mom, and I am 28!
I once told her she was mean, and she retorted with, "It is in my job description!" And my smart mouth said, "Then you need a raise!!!"
It is funny now, but did not go over so well when I was 15! :)
Yeah.... I earned the mean mom designation years ago, and my oldest is only 5. But they both know I love them and are cool with it. For now ;)
Good luck with the rest of the teenage years!
If that's the meanest you get, they have a great mom! :)
ya gotta lay down the rules and stick to your word otherwise it'll come back to bite you! :) And, I don't think that's being very mean- so if that's all you have, you're not a mean mom!
Wow she's 17 and she has an 8 o' clock curfew? Im all for strict parenting but I also always fear what teenagers that are treated like that do when they hit 18 and they can do whatever the hell they want. So many friends of mine just rebelled completely and got into things they never would have if they had been allowed to make one stinken' decision (even a bad one) for themselves. Or they turned 18 and stayed at home and then 19, 20, you get the picture. some are now 23 or 24 and STILL at home because hey, they dont know how to take care of themselves without being told.
Give the girl a break now and then. She's almost an adult.
Good for you mom! I am so not looking forward to having teenagers. Thankfully I have a few years before I need to deal with those issues. I'm just trying to get through these early dramatic years.
Oh, I needed to read this today. I feel like a mean mom!
Your daughter and whole family are beautiful. :)
happy SITS day! I too am proud to be a mean mom with boundaries, I think it's only healthy! :)
We need to start a club...I'm as mean as they come, apparently. Congratulations on your SITS Day...what a wonderful compliment!
Good call sticking to your guns. My oldest is only 14 and she has yet to date, I'm sooooo dreading that day. But absolutely they need to respect the rules and not bend them as they see fit. Someone has to be the mean mom, and she still loves you for it. ;)
Happy SITS day. (again)
Good thing sticking to your guns about the punishment.
We are that way too, even with small things. If you give in once they think you will do it again.
Oh yeah. The meanest.
Kidding! You don't sound mean. I'm sure your kids appreciate having such a great mom.
Mean moms rock. Never give in - retire as the champion!
Congrats on your SITS feature, too!
Now that is fantastic parenting! I'm going to have to remember this when my children get to be teenagers!
So, my oldest is only 2 but I am trying to be firm starting now....I mean when I say no to the junk food I mean no....except when she starts a fit, then I give in....Is that wrong?....Just kidding. I totally would have caved at the sweet hug that melts the heart.
The things I hated my mom for as a teenager are the things I thank her for now.
My daughter isn't even six months old and I'm already dreading the teenage years.
You are so right on! thank you for the encouragement...i have 2 teens right now....woo-wee, we're about there...must hold my ground!! ♥
Again, Happy SITS day! And, I do think that kids like those rules whether they admit it or not.
Way to go mom!! And that is so sweet that even though she was mad she sincerely apologized for not listening. That is huge.
Been there, done that! You are a sooo doing it right! She will thank you one day. Happy SITS day!
I have two girls (ages 6 and 8)... I'll have this whole dating issue to look forward to, LOL! It will be here before I know it... yikes!
HAPPY SITS DAY!!!
let me tell you. I wish my parents had been more strict when I was dating.
Go Mean Mom! I guess I'm a mean mom too, even though my son is only 6. It's hard for me to be firm, but I know it's best in the end :) It's' hard to be the parent sometimes when we love them so much. Good for you!!
I hope you enjoyed your SITS day.
Hey, good for you for being a mean mom! Sometimes we have to be:)
i'm not a mommy yet but I did enjoy this post. :)
Hi- visiting from SITS! So, I'm in the trenches of toddler-ville with 6 yr. old, 4 yr. old and a 19 month old. If raising teenagers requires a lot of "patience, understanding and a good sense of humor", it sounds a lot like raising toddlers! Do you agree? :-)
Love this! My future teen aged girl is about to turn three, and she's already a handful! I can only imagine what lies in store for me!
Happy SITS day!
Not looking forward to the dating years.. My oldest is almost 15 but she is not allowed to have a boyfriend until she is 18. When she is 16 she can spend time with a boy while in a group like youth group. She has known this and right now accepts it, but I am still not looking forward to it! Congrats again!
Good job sticking to your guns! Sometimes it's hard, but that's the best thing - and your daughter knows you know what's best!
Good for you for sticking to your word. Easier said than done, I know!
I too have joined the Mean Mom club. (you know, making my poor deprived child do his homework before he can go to Boyscouts)
Welcome to the club, my SITSta! lol
Happy SITS Day
Oh wow you are a mean and a WONDERFUL mom..good for you. As a mom to 4 I am so thinking I need to follow your blog...My 12 year old daughter is going to need me to be MEAN...so she can be a GOOD Girl. Right?
According to MY parents, you are too nice!
But I'd say you handled that just right. I'm glad you and your daughter have such a sweet relationship that she would hug you, appologize, and vow to do better next time.
Keep up the good work!
I totally agree that it's our job to be our kids' parent, not their friend (take it from a girl whose mom was her "friend"-can you say "no boundaries"?! Oy!) I also know what you mean about wanting to back down when your kid proves what a good, sweet girl she is. Way to hold strong, Mama! (She'll thank you later! My mom wasn't very strict and STILL I have called her so many times since I became a parent just to say, "Okay, I was wrong. I'm SO SORRY! I had no idea!") Pray for me: my 10-yr-old daughter is aging at the speed of light!
I love being a mean mom and I'll be meaner when my girl reaches that dating stage too! You're my kind of mom!
Good job:) My boys are 15 and 14- I will make SURE they are on time when they start dating. So far it's been more dances and movies where mom drives them, and I'm always on time:) It's dang hard to be tough sometimes. My daughter is 8, so I'm not there yet with her as far as boys. I'm not really looking forward to it either. YIKES.
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