Friday, July 10, 2009

What Will They Remember?

Yesterday marked the 7-year anniversary of my brother's death. I woke up early in the morning with him on my mind. Later on, Abby and I had to take care of a few errands and the song "Seven Bridges Road" by the Eagles came on the radio. I told Abby that it made me think of Kevin because I'd heard him play it on his guitar many times. He was a big Eagles' fan, and because of him, I am, too. So, as we were driving along, I sang it out loud in his memory...my brother and dear friend. When the song ended, I mumbled, "I love ya, Kev."...and I believe he was listening. Seven years have gone by in a flash. Early on, the pain of losing him was almost unbearable. Now, I've reached that point where thinking of him makes me smile and laugh, and I'm able to talk about his silly ways and his heart of gold without breaking down in a heap of tears. That's the way grief AND healing work. It takes time and plenty of faith.

This whole concept of life and loss makes me think about A LOT of things. I don't intend to sound morbid, but I can't help but wonder what people will say about me when I'm nothing but a memory. I certainly don't expect an outpouring like Michael Jackson has received! After all, I'm just an ordinary person whose name will never be illuminated by marquis lights. I've never discovered the cure for anything. My grandest invention? I don't think I even have one. I've never written my first novel, unless all of my journals count for something. I'm definitely not known for my dancing skills, though I can do a mean robot (in my mind, anyway!).

So, all of this leaves me scratching my head and asking,...Will I be remembered for some of the crazy antics I pulled just to get a laugh? Will people say that I was a good human being who truly cared about others? Will they see the desires of my heart to be a loving wife, mother, sister, friend, and Christian? Will they understand that I cared nothing about perfection, but only tried hard to do my best and to learn something from every situation I was faced with? Have YOU ever given it much thought? What do you want people to remember about you when you're long gone?

Sometimes, no matter how much faith we have, we lose people. But, you never forget them.
It's those memories that give us the faith to go on."~Author Unknown

41 visits from friends:

Tina said...

April:

Beautiful posts!

I know what you mean about the grief turning at some point of you being able to remember the good times. My Dad died when I was just 9 years old, actually a week after my birthday and it was Christmas Eve and although I still grieve for him...it is easier and I smile when things remind me of him.

I could hear the love you felt for your brother in your writing....

Shellmo said...

Sorry to hear of your brother - you must miss him so! I am a BIG Eagles fan too - have a lot of great memories of listening to their songs w/ friends. I have thought about what I would be remembered for when I'm gone. Since my hubby & I are big nature and wildlife lovers, our dream is to purchase 100+ acres and donate it to the Michigan Nature Conservancy so that it might never be developed and will have our names on it for our family to visit. I also think children are a legacy - your 2 daughters will be a great reminder of you!! I bet they both have your sense of humor!
:-0

southerninspiration said...

I know it will be said of you and I do indeed hope it will be said of me....."she loved...."

suzanne

Christina said...

Beautiful April!!

I think the best way that I could be remembered is for people to say, she loved God, her kids and her family!!

That's really all that matters in the end!

Lindsay-ann said...

Hi April
You are such a caring and supportive friend. You never fail to leave all your blogger friends kind and wonderful comments. You share your life experiences and your blog is a platform for sharing your faith. You reach out to both non believers and fellow believers. I am sure you are just the same with your family and friends that you know in person. As an example, if you stopped blogging right now you would leave a massive hole in the lives and hearts of many of your followers. I am sure you would be remembered as an amazing person and a true friend of many.
Have a great weekend.
Lindsay
x

Karen (KayKay) said...

Beautiful post, April. Yes, I do think about after I'm gone - the legacy I'm leaving. Losing someone close who is relatively young, and then nearing the age that they were when they died will do that to you. It's a hard thing to think about, but important.

Rebecca Jo said...

HUGS ... that was beautiful... time does fly by when someone you love isnt around - doesnt it?

I think everyone would live differently if they kept that in mind - what is the legacy I'll leave behind! You dont even NEED to be Michael Jackson sorta person for that - you can leave a small legacy - but its a legacy, nonetheless!

-stephanie- said...

Beautiful post. No doubt people will remember you for the love and care you showed.

I do think of how others, especially my girls, will think about me. When I yell to much or not hang around them much, I think of how I don't want them to remember me by these things. Makes me work on changing my ways.

Pam D said...

Faith, hope, and love... and the greatest of these is love. You have all three in abundance, April, and that's quite a legacy to leave. It's what you're sowing into the hearts of your girls, and it's what will be passed down through your family for generations. Don't know about you, but I'd take that over what Michael Jackson left behind ANY day.

Living on the Spit said...

What a great way to honor your brother and his wonderful memories.

I will hope that people will remember that I never gave up and I tried to live my life with a sense of humor and love.

wife.mom.nurse said...

My heart goes out to you as you remember you precious brother...

Your greatest invention...your lovely girl!!!!

That is huge.


with a tear in my eye, i am so glad you shared your brother with us.

~Julie

The Quintessential Magpie said...

What a lovely tribute, April. Your brother must have been a very special person, and I'm so sorry that he died so young. I miss the people who are gone from our family more than I can say, but you're right, we press on toward the goal.

I would like for people to say that I loved well and that I reflected the light of Christ in my life (albeit a somewhat crazy life at tomes).

Love to you...

XO,

Sheila :-)

Carrie said...

How great of you to remember in such a great way!

Hugs

Carrie

missy said...

great post april!!!!!!!
the eagles....i love them too!!!!!!
wow.....that is quite a question.....we should think about that more often....maybe we would all live life in just a little different way!!!!!! {wondering what people will think}
thanks so much for sharing!!!!

ClassyChassy said...

A very thoughtful post today...Michael Jackson had a huge turn out for his memorial service, but when I remember him and his life, I am thinking of what he COULD have been... You remember your brother for what he truly was, as all good people are remembered. So, never fear.....

Eyeglasses & Endzones said...

That was a super sweet post to your brother Kevin! I love that pic of him playing the guitar! As for the hair dye, I have many friends who do it themselves...but I have always fried mine.so I leave it up to my hair lady!

Lorrie said...

A very thought provoking post April. I'm so glad that you can remember your brother with happiness, that the sadness has diminished some with time. We all will leave a legacy some day. I must agree with Ms. Magpie. I hope my friends and family feel that I loved them well and reflected the light of Christ to them.

Denise said...

So beautiful, thanks for sharing your heart. I totally understand, my big brother passed away last June.

Jennifer said...

It is a good question....I read a devotional just recently that talked about what our kids remember - not just once we are gone but as they grow up and are adults. The author said - and I totally agree - not once have my kids remembered "wow Mom...we had the cleanest toilets" or "Mom you always kept the rugs vacuumed so well" Those things have to be done but surely shouldn't be our focus because they aren't making a lasting memory!

Great post!!

SmilingSally said...

I want people to remember someone who loved life, family, and her Lord.

Tim said...

You are NO ordinary person my friend. There are too many great things about you to list here, but one thing is certain. When God sees it His will that you go home, ou will be remembered and missed by many.

Just because someone is very talented when it comes to music or anything else for that matter doesnt make them a good person. You my friend are a GREAT person, and it saddens me to even think that there is a chance that you get there beofre i do. I would miss you beyond words.

You are one of the kindest, most fun loving, warm hearted people i know. This world wouldnt be the same without you. You my friend are the light of so many of our days!

Love and Prayers,

Tim

Bethany said...

It really is an interesting question- can be scary, too, I think. You will definitely be remembered as one who loved her family and devoted her life to them. Your daughters are lucky!

Very sweet post!

Penelope said...

I've thought about it...few things are scarier than the idea of being simply forgotten.

Penelope's Oasis

Theresa @ Take A Sentimental Journey said...

Thank you for the prayers sweet April. Hugs.

jenjen said...

Hi April,
Your brother sounds like a wonderful person. The anniversary of my dad's death is a really hard time for me. Of course I think about him every day, but on that day so many memories come through.

As time passes it has gotten easier for me to talk about him and to think of him without crying. I think when you lose someone so close to you, that you think about your own mortality and life. Before he died I never thought about dying myself and what I would leave. But now I think about it all the time. I think it makes me strive to be a little kinder, to help other people more - to think about the future.

And I think you talking to your kids about your brother keeps his memory alive. I talk to my kids about my dad and the memories I have of him. And, as you said, my faith helps me deal with the grief too.

((hugs))
Jen

Mommy Mac said...

Life and death is such a complex but really simple thing.

I am grateful for my salvation.

I, too, think about how I will be remembered and what is God's will for my life here on earth.

Am I intentional? Do I help souls and hearts to grow or sit too complacement with God's gifts to me?

I am thankful you shared your brother, Kevin, with us. It hurts so badly knowing they are not here, but finding them through the little things in life's path is completely orchestrated by the Big Guy.

I have no doubt he was the DJ for that radio station yesterday for just a brief moment.

.mac :)

Queenie Jeannie said...

I think you've got it right April! Consciously deciding to make a positive difference is all we really can, and should, do!

Toia said...

My daddy passed almost 10 years ago. And I often think about some of the fun times we had together or try visualize how he would interact with his grandchildren, and what kind of nickname he would have for them. Because he always had a nickname for somebody.

The quote at the end of your post holds so much truth. Thanks so much for sharing and have a bless weekend.

Melissa Miller said...

What a special post April. I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother Kevin. I'm happy you are able to remember him now with a little less pain. I can't imagine how hard that must be for you and your family to deal with. I would have to think for long while on your question. That is a good one.
You are great how you get us all thinking....:)

The Eagles are wonderful aren't they. Hotel California may be one of the best songs ever recorded.

I hope all is well for you and yours. ~Melissa :)

Beth in NC said...

Hi Friend. I'm so sorry about the loss of your brother. I can't imagine!

Now I will think of him when I hear the Eagles too. My husband LOVES the Eagles. We went to see them in concert a couple of years ago (awesome).

I want to be remembered for loving the Lord with all of my heart. I think you will be remembered for being such a super Mom, wife, and friend. I have no doubt that people will remember how much you love life and celebrate Jesus!

Yaya said...

Oh dear, this post brought tears to my eyes. I hear you. I wanna matter.

Becca said...

Oh this is such a heart-wrenching but beautiful post. I will be praying your heart continues to fully heal - I cannot imagine how hard that would be.

thanks also for stopping by to watch/listen to my story - it means a lot to me!

Sit A Spell said...

Hey lady...how hard to loose your brother, but memories keep them near to our hearts. My Dad passed when he was 55 and I'm the baby, so I was in my early 20's. I am a LOT like him and am thankful daily to God that I am given another day to be the best person I can be...in Him, that is. (certainly not on my own) This is the day, ya gotta rejoice and be glad in (and for) it! I'll remember you as a fellow fast talkin' crazy Arkansas girl! ; )

Bless...Shell

Sit A Spell said...

OH...love the new green background and header. Also, the lake photos are so fun and what great shots of you, hubby and girls!

Keeper of the Skies Wife said...

I took me about 6 or 7 years to be able to talk about my brother with out choking up. He will be gone 17 years in October. I miss him greatly!!

I still have a hard time with my dad...it's coming up on 3 years in September.

I hope when I'm gone I will be remembered for my love of God, family, and even strangers!!

michele said...

What a treasure your brother was and I am so happy you can think of him now with joy ... losing a loved one hurts soooo deeply! But you are so wise to remember the great things about him and share those with your daughters.
I too have asked myself the question quite a few times "What will people remember about me when I leave this world?" It makes me want to be more loving, more forgiving and to invest quality time in those I adore!

Heather Marie said...

What a lovely tribute to your brother...you are such an amazing woman with a big heart. I only know you through this blog but I know what people would say about you when you are gone... :)

Liz said...

It sounds like your brother was very special! I also love the Eagles.

I wonder sometimes if I'll just be forgotten. We don't have children so it's not like we'll leave any sort of legacy. I think this is why I try so hard for my neices & nephew to like me. Maybe they will remember me after I am long gone.

Angel said...

Thanks for the great post. I just hope that when it is all said and done, I made the world a better place. If I'm not remembered, fine, but I hope somehow an action or deed that I did made all the difference in the lives of others.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

This is a beautiful post. I would remember you as a good person & caring friend!
BTW, I am a huge Eagles fan and the part about that song gave me chills!

Life with Kaishon said...

I think you will be remembered for your daughters. All the love you have instilled in them is magnificent. You are a wonderful person April! A true blessing in every way!