Back in 1984, I met a guy whom I'll call "John" (not his real name)...just to be on the safe side. We met at a community college where we were both attending. We hit if off, immediately, so we began dating. I mentioned to him that I was planning to transfer to a larger university several hours away for the upcoming Fall semester. He told me that's where he was planning on continuing his education, too. Needless to say, we ended up at the same university in August of that year.
Well, things were fine for awhile, but I soon came to the conclusion that he was NOT the guy for me. John had some 'issues'...major issues that were very troubling to me. He got upset, one time, with his Resident Assistant and threw a metal chair into a door. RED FLAG #1! He told me that his mom tried to stab him with a steak knife when he was younger. RED FLAG #2! He said on several occasions that he didn't want me to spend time with my friends or family because he feared they'd take me away from him! RED FLAG #3! Get this...he, also, told me numerous times..."One day, when you're married and have a husband and a family of your own, I'm going to find you." RED FLAG #4! That comment really unnerved me! This sort of drama went on for about a year and a half. I know...I was not the brightest bulb in the socket!
I finally made the decision, with the help of my family, to break up with him during our Christmas vacation from school. He had gone to visit his grandmother in KY. and I called him and told him it was O-V-E-R!!! Breaking up is always much easier when it isn't done face-to-face. He begged for me not to leave him, but my decision had been made! His grandma called me a few minutes later, whom I'd never even met, and told me that I should NOT have done that to her darling grandson...blah, blah, blah! I'm sorry, but I had to do what I had to do...for my own sanity and well-being!
Well, when the Christmas break was over, I drove back to school and parked right in front of my dorm so that I could easily carry all of my belongings up to my room. As soon as I pulled into the parking spot, I looked straight ahead, and who do you think I spotted peeking out from behind a tree??? You got it...John! I scooped up some of my clothes as fast as I could, then ran up to my room! I waited for awhile before going back down to my car.
When I reached my car, I found a 15-page letter tucked under my windshield wiper! John was no where to be seen...WHEW! I grabbed the letter and took another load up to my room. When I got to my room, I opened the letter and read it...John pleaded for me to come back to him. It was filled with "I love you's", and promises to change. Well, that night, I was in my room alone (I was the Resident Assistant so I didn't have a roommate) and I kept hearing something outside my window; I lived on the 3rd floor. So, I peeked out of my blinds and there was John, right below, yelling at the top of his lungs..."I love you, April!!!" This carried on for about 30-45 mins. I'd barely lift up my blinds to take a quick look and he'd yell, "I see you looking at me!" Finally, I watched a campus security officer pull up in his car and make him leave...I was so relieved!
The next few days, of course, I was busy getting settled in and meeting all of the incoming students on my floor. I'd go out with friends only to come back and find letters from John stuffed under my door. My room was right by the fire escape, yet no guys were allowed to go visit girls' rooms without leaving proper ID at the front desk. So, I'm not quite sure how he did it, but my guess is that he came up the fire escape. There were 3 or 4 occasions when I'd been out and I walked past the front desk only to be informed that "someone special" had sent me a dozen red roses. The last time it happened, the girl at the desk said, "Wow, you must be so lucky!" I just looked at her, rolled my eyes, and said, "Oh, if you only knew!", and walked away without even claiming the roses.
On the first day of classes, I came out of my dorm and John was waiting for me! He, immediately, put his arm around me like nothing ever happened and I told him, very firmly, to remove it! He completely ignored me...he was 6'2" and I'm only 5', so what could I do? He ended up escorting me all the way to my class and went in with me and sat down. The professor called the roll and asked if there was anyone whose name he didn't call...John raised his hand. The professor instructed him to go to the Registrar's office to find out what might be going on. I'll soon fill you in on what happened.
One night, I went to the library not long, thereafter, to research for a paper I had to write. I walked out when it was dark and I spotted John's car at the end of the sidewalk! I panicked and ran back towards the library! John, immediately, threw his car in reverse when he saw me and started shouting my name! I went inside and called one of my friends who came over and walked me back to my dorm...after staying in the library for an hour or so, just to be cautious. He seemed to know my every move.
Now, the reason John's name wasn't called from the roll was because he wasn't even a registered student! My aunt, who was a professor at the university, found that out for me. In fact, he'd tried to come back to his dorm room after the Christmas break and the lock on his door had been changed! Apparently, he'd been kicked out for not paying his dues. So, he ended up leaving and moving back to his hometown. He wrote to me a couple of times, but I never responded...it was finally over...or so I thought!
Well, when we moved to Tennessee in 2003, I was upstairs checking my e-mails and guess who I had one from??? You got it...John! Apparently, he'd found me on Classmates.com and wrote, "I knew I'd find you sooner or later." Talk about creeping me out A LOT! I debated about it, but I responded back, with Chris' blessing, by saying that I was happily married to a former Army Airborne Ranger (I just had to throw that in!) and to not contact me ever, again...PERIOD! I felt I had to write him because he had located me and knew how to reach me. That was the last time I ever heard from him!
Many have questioned how I could have stayed with John for as long as I did. Well, I think a big part of it was that I was trying so hard to help him, but I ended up hurting myself in the process. You know, as I look back on this experience in my life, I fully believe that it was one of many stepping stones that God placed in my path to lead me to the person who was right for me...my husband! It revealed to me the kind of person I DID NOT want to spend the rest of my life with. This song by Rascal Flatts says it all..."Bless the Broken Road". Hope you enjoy it!
"Remember your past mistakes just long enough to profit by them." Have an awesome weekend, my friends!
