Today marks the 10-year anniversary since my mom passed away. For some reason, unlike all the "anniversaries" before, this one is especially difficult. In some respects, it seems like time has passed by so slowly...minute by minute, hour by hour. In other ways, however, it seems like it was only yesterday that I looked into her eyes for the very last time and told her, "Goodbye".
I can't begin to express everything my mom meant to me. We were incredibly close. In fact, people often commented that we were more like sisters than mother and daughter. We had the same dry sense of humor and would often break out in laughter just by looking at each other. There wasn't anything I couldn't talk to her about. She was an incredible listener and advice giver. She had the most loving and generous heart of anyone I've ever known. Mom was all about FAMILY and making memories and she led by example. To say that I was blessed to have her in my life doesn't even begin to capture the depth of the emotion and gratitude I feel for being able to call her MOM.
I don't know how many of you have lost someone close to you. The whole experience can turn your world upside down. There are days when you feel you have a good grip on the realities of what's happened and you're able to move ahead. Then, there are those times when grief rears it's ugly head, once again, and you find it to be a real struggle to even function. I've had my share of both of those days. Thankfully, with the passing of time, my ability to move forward predominates. Nonetheless, whenever grief sneeks up on me, I don't run away and hide. I face it head on and walk through every raw emotion that comes my way. That's the only way to ever truly heal your heart...you have to allow yourself to FEEL the pain and the hurt.
I do feel sad that my mom is no longer here with me. I feel like she's missed out on so much...even though she's always been right here with me in spirit. More than anything, though, it's a deep-rooted longing in my heart that I have for her. A longing for that special connection we shared. There is no denying it...I still need my mom in the biggest way. I still feel so lost without her. I want her reassurance that' I'm doing well as a wife and a mother. I want to know that I'm making her proud. I want to know that she knew how very much I loved and adored her...because I did.
So, on this day, I will remember Mom for all she taught me and for the love she gave me. I'll remember all the times we got tickled at each other. I'll remember her sweet smile and her big, soft brown eyes. I'll remember all the conversations we shared, just the two of us. I'll remember her not only as my mom, but as one of my dearest and closest friends. She was beautiful, through and through. As long as I live, I'll always remember.
"Though sorrow may last through the night, joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5.
