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I'm stressing this morning! I didn't sleep well last night as I had so many things on my mind. I feel like I'm in a fog. I just need to vent, so please bear with me!
Here's the deal: As you know, Brittany's varsity cross country team made it to STATE. It's only the second time (in two years!) in the history of her high school that's ever happened. It's a BIG DEAL for them, and rightly so!
Well, all the girls were excited about leaving school early on Friday and driving to Carrollton, which is about 2 hours away, for the State meet on Saturday. They all thought they'd get to stop somewhere for lunch together, then make it a fun and memorable evening... but, oh no!! That's not going to happen! Their coach is a stick in the mud! Sorry about that, but it's true! He doesn't know how to let loose and have a little fun sometimes. This is his second year to coach and the girls just don't enjoy having him around, at all. When they learned that they weren't leaving until after 6th period (1:30 PM), they all gathered around the coach before practice and pleaded with him to leave earlier. He kept telling them "no", and when they persisted, he shouted, "Alright, girls, how about we not go to State, afterall?!" and he walked off. I was dumbfounded when Brittany told me this! He told them the plan for Friday was to drive to Carrollton, run the course, eat dinner, then go to bed. He said on Saturday, they're going to place, at least, 8th in the state. End of story!
The coach is all about running. I will give him credit that he does know a lot about it because he competed in the marathon time trials for the 2008 Olympics. The man knows RUNNING!! However, where he's lacking is his interpersonal skills. He has absolutely no concept of how to motivate the girls or how to relate to them. He has done nothing to get to know them as individuals. All he really cares about is the final outcome...making it to State! You just wouldn't believe how much the girls' morale has dropped since the beginning of the season, and it's getting worse all the time. I can't tell you how many times a week Brittany comes home from practice saying she doesn't like the coach and she's ready to quit! I mean, she's finished first on her team at every single meet they've had this season and he doesn't even congratulate her, other than to say, "Nice job". For goodness sake, show a little enthusiasm or, at least, act excited and pretend you're proud for what they've accomplished!!! It is so frustrating as a parent to see all of this happening before my very eyes!
You might ask why I don't talk to the coach? Would you believe that both Chris and I have and it has done absolutely NOTHING! Na-Da!! It goes in one ear and right out the other! I think he's completely oblivious that there's all this dissension going around. The parents all talk about him, too, and how disappointing this season has been. The difference from last season to this one is that they had a female assistant coach last year who was 23 years old and was LOVED by all the girls and parents. She understood where the girls were coming from and she REALLY cared about each and every one of them. She made them goody bags as a motivational tool and she even acted like a silly teenager when they traveled overnight to a meet. That made such a huge impression on the girls! She just kept everything in balance. However, she transferred to a different school this year, so we have a new assistant coach who's a man and has a very dry personality, just like the head coach. Things haven't been the same since.
You know, as a parent, there is only so much you can do for your child to keep their motivation and morale high when they're involved in sports, or similar activities. Most of it has to come from their leader, their coach, the one they should look up to, admire, and want to emulate. My daughter's coach, first of all, has forgotten what it's like to be a teenager. It's about a lot of things, but it's about having fun and enjoying life! There's plenty of time to be serious. Secondly, he doesn't know the girls on a personal level. I think that should be first and foremost on his list. They have to feel he has a genuine interest in them and that he truly cares. They don't!
Oh, I could go on and on and on, but I'll stop for now! It's sad to say that I will be so glad when this season finally comes to an end! I'm very proud of my daughter and all the other girls for what they've accomplished this season! I'm just tired of dealing with the coach and expecting more from him, only to be let-down time and time, again. The bad part is that he's going to be the girls' track coach for the spring. The jury is still out on whether or not Brittany is going to run. I would hate it if she didn't, but I can certainly understand it if she chooses not to. Another season of a lackluster coach??? At what cost???
Thanks for letting me vent!! I really needed this! :)
17 comments:
Oh April, I am so sorry to hear this. I have to say that your story isn't unique and I've heard this same sort of thing before from other families when my kids were still in high school. What I hate most is that these extracurricular activities are supposed to be there not only to win, but for fun, and to build the kids up, to give them the experience of working as part of a team, win or lose. This coach sounds very cold hearted...or oblivious or both!
I am really at a lose as to what you might do other than talk to the principal of your school along with some other parents so that it would show that it's not just you feeling this way.
Venting's good. I don't care what age you are; in order to do well, we all need to be motivated, inspired and encouraged... I hope your girl and her team are blessed with a miracle!!!
Vent all you want, Girl...that's what we're here for! And I'm so so sorry about all of this. I know you are frustrated, understandably. Keep us posted on State though...we know it's going to be good! :) And we'll lift her up!!
How disappointing for the team to have such a bad coach. You are right to feel like you do. I agree with Lorrie's suggestion about speaking to the principal. Hope something works out.
Thinking of you.
Lindsay
How awful this situation is, and what should be a VERY happy exciting and rewarding time is being tarnished :-(
I don't care what type of coach, tutor or teacher, people skills are definitly more important than anything else!
They can make, or break someones dreams.
Good Luck, thinking of you all...xxxx
We are here for you to let it out!!!!
Sorry to hear the coach was such a jerk. He needs to lighten up and realize they will only run their best when they are relaxed and having a good time!!
Sorry...to hear..that is a tough situation! A good coach can make all the difference!
-sandy toes
April,
A coach can sometimes make or break a child's desire to do the sport at all. I say vent and let it all out. We're here for you..you be there and do what you can for Brittany.
Let her know he is not who she runs for ultimately...and that is for the Audience of One...and He is always cheering her on!
Blessings to you and Brittany.
Those who can, do... those who can't...well you get the picture. I ran into a lot of those kinds of coaches in school. Unfortunately, until teachers are paid well enough to attract the best of the best, kids are gonna have to muddle through. There is a lot of great advice above so I won't duplicate it. Great post though! :-)
Vent I would too!
Hi April...It doesn't sound like there is much else you can do but vent. Sorry you all are going through this.
Maybe you could have a fun party for all the girls once the season is over to boost their morals and let them all know how proud everone is of them. :)
Robin~♥
Well then the parents should get in there and motivate them and if he won't let them out to have lunch together you guys should sign them out of class for lunch together, make it a long one and before they go back to catch the bus hand out silly awards or goodie bags, matching t-shirts with stuff painted on them! I had a cheerleading coach like this and we, the girls decided to celebrate on our own. We invited the coach so that she didn't feel left out in the cold but in the end truly celebrated the way that we wanted to for working so hard and it motivated us to place 6th at state! Our parents made us signs, goodie bags and took us out to a wonderful lunch during school hours!
Show the coach that there is more to this sport than being a stick in the mud! Talking to a person can sometimes reach them but if their mind is made up then there's not much you can do but show them and pray for them!! How do we as God's people sometimes get through to people...by our actions! If he's invited and you are showing that you respect him but disagree with the way that he's handling these girls then he might see all the fun that you're having together and wish to be a part of the fun!
I am really sorry that you are going through this. It also sad for Brittany because she seems to be such a talented runner. I hope that she keeps persuing her dreams despite this coach. Some people are not cut out to be motivators. But I think to be a good coach/ teacher you have to have built in talents like being a leader, motivator, etc.... I hope they do well at State and achieve their goal for themselves.
So sorry for all of this. I would not let your daughter know thast you too are really frustrated, it might add to her agast. I'd grab that couch by the ear and give him an ear full. He might not process it to much avail but atleast he woulod know your feelings. Let him know you think he is a total jerk. He deserves it.
Oh and by the way, my SIL lives in Carrolton, what a coinsedence.
Help I can't spell that word, and spell check isn't helping.
I feel your pain! Our oldest son's football coach is quite similar...and my son is seven. (It's should be about teaching, not winning at his point.) Coaching makes all the difference. We told our guy that every coach is different, and decide why you play. Are you playing for him(the coach) or are you playing for fun. He decided to stick with it, and play and not take the coaches comments to heart. My husband and I have also made it a point to express our concerns in a non-threatening way. (He hasn't changed his coaching style, so we are encouraging, and praising our son). Good luck-
Girl, vent as much and as long as you like!
I'm am so sorry to read this though! If you and Chris have already talked to the coach and nothing has improved, I strongly suggest you take it to a higher authority. Seriously, this guy could totally be taking away someone's dream. Brittany does very well at this. Who knows? She could potentially even get a scholarship in this (if there is one of course). If Brittany still enjoys c/c, but doesn't like the coach...we'd have to have a come to Jesus meeting with someone to fix this coach's behavior! Seriously! Hearing stuff like this really upsets me!
I'll be praying that the Lord will guide you (in a peaceful) as to what to do on this one as a parent. Sorry girl! What a shame!
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