I think back to when Chris and I were newlyweds in the late 80's and we were contemplating becoming parents. We knew we were going to face many challenges, including sleepless nights, inconsolable temper tantrums, sicknesses, etc. Those things sort of come with the territory. We survived them all, as most parents do. Little did we know that the 'real' challenges lay ahead.
I'm sure I'm not the first parent to admit that the teenage years on into young adulthood can be remarkably grueling in many ways. It's a time of self-discovery when kids are bound and determined to set themselves apart from their parents and follow their own path. Some may choose a path similar to how they were raised; others may choose a completely different one. Many times, parents have little to no influence on which path is taken...it simply happens. All that is left for a parent to do is pray their child comes out on the other side as unscathed as possible. The more you try to control the situation at hand, the more rebellion ensues.
I remember, as some of you might recall, when Brittany was in college and dated a young man by the name of Connor. He was awful to my daughter. He had fits of rage when he yelled at her, called her names, and even shoved her several times. Those behaviors were deal breakers for me. I could not and would not ever tolerate someone who would mistreat my daughter, but Brittany just couldn't see it...she
LOVED him, or so she thought. She even begged us to have him come for a weekend visit with her. We were completely against it, but we agreed only because we didn't want to push Brittany away from us. Let's just say that his true colors shown brightly while he was here. I even remember telling Brittany soon thereafter that if she ever made the decision to marry him, I didn't know if I could attend their wedding. She told me that was an eye-opener for her and knew that she could no longer be in a relationship with someone that her parents couldn't approve. So, after two years or so of being together, she ended it and is now in a loving relationship with a wonderful, kind man. She emerged on the other side and learned some lasting life lessons along the way.
The same kind of scenario has played out in Abby's life, too. If you'll recall, only three days after turning 18 and seven months shy of graduating from high school, she moved out of our home and in with her boyfriend, Austin, and his family. I was home alone when it all went down and it was day that forever changed me. She stayed gone for seven months and ended up dropping out of school. She enrolled in an online high school program. We allowed her to move back home because his parents had given them an ultimatum. Thankfully, the month after she returned, she graduated and earned her high school diploma. They broke up about four months later, much to our relief. We never approved of their relationship for various reasons, primarily because he lied to us on numerous occasions and didn't treat Abby or us with respect. She ended a year-long tumultuous relationship in early-March with another guy who assaulted her on several occasions. I'm sorry to say, but we definitely weren't fans of him, either. He had very bad anger issues. Abby just couldn't see it, though, no matter how much we expressed concern. Thankfully, she got to the point where she couldn't tolerate his behavior anymore and broke up with him.
Now, here's where her story takes a turn. Without going in to all the details, she and Austin reconnected and are now back in a relationship, again. Are Chris and I happy about it? No. Are we shocked? No. Are we trying to convince her to end it? No. Why? Because Abby is 20 years old and is now at a juncture in her life where she has to make her own choices and be ready to deal with whatever consequences result. Chris and I have been her 'safety net' for a long time...always ready to catch her when she falls. We have since come to realize that our ability to control the decisions she makes is gone...God is the only one who is in ultimate control, so we've relinquished our control over to Him. Do we still worry and fret? Yes, but to a much lesser degree than before. We continue to believe that God is going to get her attention, some way, somehow...just like He did with Brittany. It may not happen tomorrow or even weeks from now...it may take months or possibly years. God has equipped us with more strength than we ever dreamed possible. One thing Abby has to have learned through all of this is that our love for her in unfailing. We could have walked away a long time ago, but we believe in extending love, mercy, grace and forgiveness...just as Christ has shown us. Now, that isn't to say that we don't have boundaries, which we do. Austin isn't allowed to come to our home. Interestingly enough, his mom isn't allowing Abby to come to their home, either. So, in this storm...we wait patiently on the Lord to do His work. He is refining and molding us to be the Christ-followers He wants us to be.
So, yes, the journey of parenting can be long, arduous, and gut-wrenching at times. You can experience deep-rooted pain one day and immense joy the next. I've said it before, but I serve a God who is in the mountain-moving business and I know He is constantly at work in my life and in the lives of those I dearly love. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that whatever fork in the road I face next, He is with me.
Say a prayer, if you would for our sweet ol' girl, Maddie. She's 16 1/2 years old and has injured her foot/shoulder and is walking around with a limp. She is not eating very well and has been dropping weight, but the vet says her heart and lungs are strong. I took this shot of Chris giving her some love the other day and it made my heart melt...
We sure do love her a lot.
